It’s feels so strange
sitting down and writing a post again. It’s been a while. A lot has happened. How
do I put everything about the last year in a post? Well I’m not going to try
but I do want to write about a major part of it and that’s my PND (post natal
depression).
It’s been a tough
year. I have been continually struggling with my PND. It is a huge part to why
we have moved to Brisbane from Melbourne.
I find it very hard to
explain, day to day can change so much. A good chunk of the time (thank
goodness), I am doing well. This is due to all the support and help I get (you
know who you are). But those days that I am not it throws me. Not in a small
way, I feel like I am falling and waiting to hit the ground. I will continually
stress what everyone thinks of me, did I say or do the right thing? Do they
like me? Am I a good mother? Am I a bad mother for giving my daughter the non-organic,
home brand sultanas?
And on and on….
I have received so
much support and help that I now know I am doing so much better. Looking back
on my last tough day I know that I was using my tools I have learned. When I
was starting to panic I was able to physically stop myself, close my eyes, and
take a few deep breaths. I also was able to use my support I had around me, that
day it was my husband. I kept checking in with myself and it was a really good
day.
It can be really hard
work, and I do give up sometimes, but those days are not happening as often
now. An old habit for me is pretending everything is okay and not acknowledging
how I am feeling.
I have also started
doing things because I want to, not because it furthers my career, or because I
was too afraid. I have started going to church again, I now volunteer for the
breastfeeding association. I have also stopped buying things because I think I
need them, turns out stuff doesn’t make you happy. It also makes for a much
less cluttered house!
What I am starting to
come to terms with is that there is no cure for this, but I am going to get to
the point where it’s not such a big thing. And it wouldn’t happen with out the
support of my wonderful husband and all my friends and family.
